Grumpy - Reposted
Not just one of the Seven Dwarves
Snow White is the story of a sweet young woman (a princess no less!), perfect in every way….beautiful, kind, loving, gentle…even in the midst of being pursued by her evil stepmother, a powerful witch who has taken out on a contract on her life. The evil queen, jealous of Snow White’s beauty, sends the young princess into the woods with her huntsman who has instructions to cut out her heart (Oh, the imagery here!). But the huntsman lets the princess go because of her goodness and his own tender heart. And Snow White continues to be good, singing and frolicking with the forest animals, away from the wicked stepmother.
As the story goes, this perfect Snow White (who never gets angry at her situation) ends up in a cottage living with seven dwarves — Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Doc, and Grumpy. Anyone else find it interesting that their names aren’t something like Dashing, Courageous, Wisdom, Strength, or other such similar names?
When I think about the symbolism, whether intentional or not, it shows me something about myself and about life. These dwarves represent parts of me separate from the image I’d like to hold of myself as perfect and good, the me I so want to be. They are the ones I don’t like to acknowledge. It’s not lost on me that my first husband used to called me Snow White in a rather derogatory manner.
Dopey - for those times I feel stupid
Bashful - for when I feel insecure and shy (more often than people think). This is the part that feels shame.
Sneezy - the sensitive one, reactive to my environment, or maybe struggling with health issues. He also represents the parts of me that aren’t “healthy” yet.
Happy - the positive, childlike version of me
Doc - the one who needs to fix others, caretake, and manage situations
Grumpy - who is negative, irritable, gruff, and the one who is allowed to get angry.
Last week Grumpy made his appearance from within me while I was out with my daughter later than I wanted to be. I immediately clamped down. I was not allowed to be grumpy, not me. But I took a moment to be curious. I observed how I judged and condemned my grumpiness. Right/wrong, good/bad…with that limiting belief system I needed to hide my Grumpy not just from my kid but from myself. *
But Snow White loved all the dwarves. In fact she lived with them with great compassion and affection. What a concept! She was gentle, patient, and sometimes even amused. And there was love, always love. What would that be like if I gave that gift to myself? You see Snow White also gets something out of this arrangement. She finds a home and she finds protectors. She didn’t have this in all the perfection of the palace or all the perfection of her goodness. Her desperate times sent her into the dark woods where she would eventually find these dear dwarves.
As I thought about my reaction to my own grumpiness, I thought back through the years to when my kids were little. Grumpiness usually meant they were tired, hungry, overstimulated, or had pushed past their limits. Did they need a nap, some food, time by themselves? Not a lot is different for me as an adult. My kids weren’t “bad” because they were grumpy and neither am I. Grumpiness is a voice that brings something to my attention. Thank you, Grumpy!
It seems to me that I have a choice as to how I want to live with my own “dwarves.” Am I ready to acknowledge them or do they need to continue to hide away far within the depths of the forest of my unconscious? I think Snow White may be onto something. I’d like to meet my “dwarves” with compassion, acceptance, kindness, and a whole lot of love. And I want to finally find the home within myself and receive the protection that an integrated self affords.
Which of your dwarves is calling for your attention?
( *By the way, grumpiness is never an excuse for poor behavior! So instead of “shooting first,” maybe we begin to ask questions first.)